1~When it Feels Right

 

 

 

The autumnal and winter skies of England in 2013 have been more breathtaking than I can ever remember. I have loved watching the children leave at half past three, some running into a parental embrace, some turning to wave and smile, some sharing exchanges about the day with their teachers on the steps. Standing with my amazing colleagues, we would drink up the beauty of low winter sun across the school field and playground, turning the sky and clouds vivid shades, an ever evolving painting. Winter moons and scattered stars, early runs and rise and shine yoga; witnessing and appreciating the beginning of each day in my hometown helped to create clarity in my path and choices ahead.

I am sitting on the Bristol to Hull train as I write and contemplate. Shafts, fragments of winter sunlight stream through clustered clouds. My last journey home. Home? A nomadic and transitory time lies in front of me and I read signs, find feelings and discover new depths to understanding myself: learn, believe, trust. Words I wrote during my summer in Thailand in when cycling around the ancient temples and ruins in Sukothai. Words that I used for my 5:30 am alarm; an alarm and morning start, a tapas, a challenge for myself. Finding a fragment in the day that could be mine, where I could hold onto the belief, stillness and fire I found.

In Sukothai, near the end of our summer travels, I marveled at the tranquility and peace. I realized that this was also something that was reflected in how I felt inside. The future seemed less muddied and like the final pieces of a puzzle, once seemingly impossible dreams evolved into tangible dreams. An elixir, a refreshing feeling of self-belief. Eve, my dear friend, this clarity was spurred on by you. I love the way you challenge, confront and support me. My summer with you helped me to find peace and a realization that I had already been making the steps towards change. I had created the perfect platform in which to change my life and I had awakened the curiosity for travel, discovery of the new, near and far. Iron Man, thanks for your recommendation of ‘The Alchemist’. Conversing about my plans and reasons behind ‘casting off the bowlines’, you were right, it feels very much like the words of Paulo Coehlo and the journey of his protagonist in this story of a spiritual journey. So much struck a chord with me as I devoured this gem of a story during my new year and new start in the south of France, underlining parts and smiling to myself.

Sharing my plans with Mama Wolff and my nearest and dearest was wonderful: I thought self-belief felt awesome, well, your friends and family right behind you feels pretty damn amazing too! Like wise Sarah said, “It has almost become more scary to not do it, then to do it.’’ So my notice handed in, a round the world ticket purchased based around yoga and friends, it couldn’t have felt more right. Lovely last moments with an exceptionally sweet group of children, well wishes from colleagues , parents, governors and the head- so good to leave a wonderful place of work on such a high. Am I scared people ask? Nope. It just feels right. Can’t argue with that.